ASTRIE
ASTRIE
@astriesratner
Etiquette expert, A — The Etiquette Consultancy
“Good manners bring people closer together, especially during hard times. A small kind gesture, like a smile can brighten up someone’s day, and saying the magic words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ can mean a lot to someone who’s having a difficult day.”
words KARMAN TSE
photos ASTRIE SUNINDAR-RATNER
words KARMAN TSE
photos ASTRIE SUNINDAR-RATNER
You are reading the “New Normal” series, for which I’ve invited a few beautiful souls to open the doors, figuratively of course, to their homes and lives, and share the stories of their new reality — how does that look and feel? How are they adapting? How has it shifted their mindset and approach to life? But I’m most excited to share their #stayhome and #WFH tips and recommendations in the self-care guide at the end. In this chapter, I speak with Astrie Sunindar-Ratner, etiquette expert, founder of A — The Etiquette Consultancy, mother of three, and one of the most elegant, stylish and kindest women I know and admire. One of the books she recommends is How to be a Gentlewoman. In the book, the “gentlewoman” is defined to be “A woman who meets the harsh pressures of modern life with thoughtfulness, care and kindness. She is confident; and without needing to shout, exudes a powerful presence.” The Gentlewoman is Astrie. And this is her story.
You are reading the “New Normal” series, for which I’ve invited a few beautiful souls to open the doors, figuratively of course, to their homes and lives, and share the stories of their new reality — how does that look and feel? How are they adapting? How has it shifted their mindset and approach to life? But I’m most excited to share their #stayhome and #WFH tips and recommendations in the self-care guide at the end. In this chapter, I speak with Astrie Sunindar-Ratner, etiquette expert, founder of A — The Etiquette Consultancy, mother of three, and one of the most elegant, stylish and kindest women I know and admire. One of the books she recommends is How to be a Gentlewoman. In the book, the “gentlewoman” is defined to be “A woman who meets the harsh pressures of modern life with thoughtfulness, care and kindness. She is confident; and without needing to shout, exudes a powerful presence.” The Gentlewoman is Astrie. And this is her story.
Karman: How are you today, Astrie?
Astrie: Thank you for asking, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the current situation, but I am trying my best to stay positive.
K: How has life changed for you in this new reality we now inhabit? What is your “new normal” in the various spaces of your life?
A: It has been wonderful to have the kids home, but stressful at the same time. I’m learning to live each and every day without having too many expectations, to accept the good and bad days as they come, to let go and be more grateful for the little things that I used to take for granted — like going out for coffee with friends or date night with my husband.
To cope, I look to make the most out of small things like walks outside of the house or even grocery runs. To keep fit, I am definitely following a lot of online home workout videos. Its amazing how much is available online, and so much of it is free. For work, I have gone into planning mode since a lot my business comes from in-person courses that cannot be run right now. That said, I am also preparing to offer virtual courses as ultimately business must go on. I’m looking forward to these.
“I’m learning to live every day without having too many expectations. Accepting the good and bad days as they come, learning to let go and be more grateful for the little things that I used to take for granted.”
K: Where are you finding it to be the most challenging adjustment? And in which areas have you discovered or maintained joy, calm and positivity daily?
A: Having all three kids at home, keeping them busy and trying to get work done have been the most challenging. Being a perfectionist hasn’t helped, but this time has taught me to let go. For example, instead of having five things on my daily to do list, I keep it to two or three max, so if I have time to do more, it’s a bonus, and this is my new joy! My little study corner has been my haven, and my kids know to let mama be when I’m there. The hubby, too, for that matter. I put on my jazz playlist and essential oil to keep calm.
K: A new normal calls for new rules, behaviours and routines. What does self-care look like for you now?
K: A new normal calls for new rules, behaviours and routines. What does self-care look like for you now?
A: My morning walk has been an essential part of my daily routine, except now I take the kids along. It’s amazing what 20 to 30 minutes of fresh air and morning sun can do, and I’m so grateful that we can still go out (to exercise). For us, sticking to our family schedule has been the key to getting things done and respecting everyone’s space is so important so we don’t get on each others’ nerves.
A: My morning walk has been an essential part of my daily routine, except now I take the kids along. It’s amazing what 20 to 30 minutes of fresh air and morning sun can do, and I’m so grateful that we can still go out (to exercise). For us, sticking to our family schedule has been the key to getting things done and respecting everyone’s space is so important so we don’t get on each others’ nerves.
“Sticking to our family schedule has been the key to getting things done and respecting everyone’s space is so important so we don’t get on each others’ nerves.”
K: Has this time, this crisis, given you a new perspective on life and what really matters?
K: Has this time, this crisis, given you a new perspective on life and what really matters?
A: Most definitely! Although this time hasn’t been easy, I have never been closer to my family and good friends. Living in a country that has the best healthcare system is something that I’m so grateful for. I always appreciate the hard work and dedication of teachers, but more now than ever! I also feel that my priorities have shifted, I’m so much more appreciative of the simple little things in life.
A: Most definitely! Although this time hasn’t been easy, I have never been closer to my family and good friends. Living in a country that has the best healthcare system is something that I’m so grateful for. I always appreciate the hard work and dedication of teachers, but more now than ever! I also feel that my priorities have shifted, I’m so much more appreciative of the simple little things in life.
K: In what ways do you see (or hope to see) the world and your self being different when we’ve emerged from this on the other side?
K: In what ways do you see (or hope to see) the world and your self being different when we’ve emerged from this on the other side?
A: I truly hope that people will appreciate the time they spend with one another more, to be able to enjoy the simplest things in life, to hug, to love and to cuddle more, to respect the environment, and, last but not least, to continue to help and respect others.
A: I truly hope that people will appreciate the time they spend with one another more, to be able to enjoy the simplest things in life, to hug, to love and to cuddle more, to respect the environment, and, last but not least, to continue to help and respect others.
K: Speaking of respect for others, you recently launched A — The Etiquette Consultancy. I love the idea so much, and we must have an in-depth conversation about it in another story. For now, can you share a little taste: Why do you feel good manners are so important and necessary, and especially now? How can good manners make our lives and the lives of others a little better?
K: Speaking of respect for others, you recently launched A — The Etiquette Consultancy. I love the idea so much, and we must have an in-depth conversation about it in another story. For now, can you share a little taste: Why do you feel good manners are so important and necessary, and especially now? How can good manners make our lives and the lives of others a little better?
“I truly hope that people will appreciate the time they spend with one another more, to be able to enjoy the simplest things in life, to hug, to love and to cuddle more, to respect the environment and to continue to help and respect others.”
“I truly hope that people will appreciate the time they spend with one another more, to be able to enjoy the simplest things in life, to hug, to love and to cuddle more, to respect the environment and to continue to help and respect others.”
A: Etiquette and good manners have always been a big part of my life, thanks to my parents. But the importance of having good manners has become more apparent to me now than ever.
Technology has made our lives easier but unfortunately, it has also taken away the essentials of polite society. Looking at our phone during coffee with friends or at a family meal is the norm. Interacting with our mobile has become more important than human interaction. Being kind, respectful and considerate of others — the basics of good manners — are now afterthoughts. This is why I think etiquette is needed in this world more than ever before.
Good manners bring people closer together, especially during hard times. A small kind gesture, like a smile can brighten up someone’s day, and saying the magic words “please” and “thank you” can mean a lot to someone who’s having a difficult day. If everyone could try to be kinder and more thoughtful, imagine how much better the world would be! Manners cost nothing, but are worth everything.
I also want to emphasise that having manners and following etiquette do not mean you have to be “fake” or superficial. While there are certain conventions you must follow, by no means do you need to be falsely agreeable. It is in fact your prerogative to state your opinions and your thoughts, simply ensuring you do so elegantly. Think the Queen in The Crown — when she is at odds with her prime ministers, she makes her point ever so poignantly yet with the uttermost grace. ❤️
[Editor’s note: Sentiments and thoughts expressed here are accurate as at April 3, 2020, when Astrie wrote back.]
The Gentlewoman’s Essentials
